Thursday, May 31, 2007
If there is such thing as luck, I think I have run out of it. I admit that the past 18 years of my life, I was quite lucky. But now, in 2007, my bottle of luck has hit botton low.
When things happen not in the way you want, most people will say, "You/I should have...", "If you/I had done...". But sometimes, it is all too late. Things happen for a reason, as someone told me before.
I dislike doing reflections because it reminds me of bad pasts. Or it makes me even more confused because I dont know where I have gone wrong. Things that I dont like I will try not to remember.But I somehow have to do these reflections because I dont want to make the same mistakes twice. 'Once bitten, twice shy', how apt.
I realise most of my posts are the unhappy ones. I guess I have to let all these out so that I can feel better.
Can I really?
Just The Girl @
4:09 PM
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
As I was saying the last post, there was sth that i wanted to put on the blog but couldnt. The reason was that my sis was having her exams overseas and we didnt want the news to affect her. But at least everything has come to a closure today. It is the 7th week and the 49th day. Everyone went to the church for the final blessing before the niche was sealed. i didnt shed a tear today coz i know that he would be happy up there.
There was a period of time when i blamed myself for not helping my grandfather out of the car or for insisting on watching 'irobot' before bringing them home hence causing the lack of circulation in the leg and he faliing. If it wasnt for that fall, he wouldnt be in pain and wouldnt be hospitalised, much less go for an op and to have a heart attack because of the unbearable pain after the surgery. There was a lot of 'if' and 'i should have' and the wish to turn back the clock. The last tear was dropped when he was cremated. I didnt want to open my water tap again.
Anyway I just wanted to use this post to commemorate my grandfather when he passed on on 28 Mar. I wrote a eulogy with my father's help and said it at the funeral mass. I tried to control my tears but couldnt hold on to it when i reached the last paragraph.
I think everything was pre-arranged by God.
Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
My grandfather, Thomas Lee Kay Kim, or as we fondly called him, Kong Kong, was a very caring man who doted on his children, grandchildren and great grand son. He looked mildly fierce, but his alluring smile portrayed a figure of dignity and loving care for all around him.
I remember the days gone by. When I was a little girl I used to ask Kong Kong to draw any picture of sorts. To my amazement he could produce a very beautiful picture within a few minutes. Sometimes, Kong Kong would draw a picture for each letter of the alphabet. Thereafter, I would fill the pictures in with colours of different hues. For us, life at this stage was indeed a joyful one.
I remember my elder sisters and parents used to relate incidents showing his loving care for his family and grandchildren. After his usual daily trip in town he would be back with tea time snacks such as you char kueh, gao ting kueh and kueh neng kor for his family and grandchildren. Gradually, these became our all time favourite snacks.
I remember the days when I used to pick some musical talents from him. I used to bang the piano keys while he played a tune or two without any reference to any musical notes. You see, my loving Kong Kong could play many popular songs just by listening to the tune although he did not have any musical training. This is indeed a rare talent. Perhaps it was through him that I developed a liking for music.
I remember dinner time had always been a cheerful occasion. Before a meal Kong Kong would always dish out a portion and gave it lovingly to my grand-mother. To return this caring gesture my grand-mother would do it likewise with another variety. This ding-dong melody of sorts went one several times in the course of the meal thus creating lots of laughter and delight in the family.
Kong Kong speaks little, but his actions speakes volume of his character. As a husband he is a role model -- always gentle, loving and caring, never a harsh word to his wife. Likewise my grand-mother would reciprocate lovingly. As a father he takes good care of the children very well, lovingly looking into their needs and moral support. As a grandfather, to him it is indeed a celebration of life, having so many little kids, one by one totaling thirteen, to fill his days with joy and laughter. He was exceptionally happy when the great grand-son came along. After dinner both of them would throw ball at each other thus creating lots of family interaction opportunities. As a fellow kinsman, he is very well respected in the community.
My dearest Kong Kong, although in form you are not with us, but your benevolence and your Christ-like love for us shall live in our hearts forever. You are also our “rock and fortress”. As of now, we will miss you very much. Good bye, Kong Kong, may your soul rest in peace forever. Indeed, blessed are the departed for they shall witness the Kingdom of God and enjoy a new life of abundance in all eternity.
Just The Girl @
7:26 PM
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Been too lazy to write any entries but feeling so frustrated lately.
It was agreed that all of us would go to hong kong. 2 years ago. Back then we were supposedly too young to travel so we said after the As we would go together. Then it turned out that 1 is going to hong kong with her family, 1 was supposed to go but backed out coz her mum still didnt allow, and another didnt want to go due to the cost factor. What's left is only me and kezia, and shun who will be in hk. Will it turn out fun when i just went there 5 months ago? I want to go coz it is the 1st time going with frenz but yet i'm not sure if what i'm doing constitutes me a spendthrift.
Whatever. my parents gave me the green light and i should go for it isnt?
Forgot to update about my eye. There is nothing the GP could do so he referred me to the specialists and i have to wait a month to get an appointment which is next mon. Please let there be some other medication that can dissolce the whatever it is in my eye so that i dont have to go for an op. it is so scary to have sth to be poking into the eye.
I want to look for a 1 month temp job during the june hols. When the students are having hols, naturally they wont need any tuition right? so i need a job to supplemment my expenses and also so that i will not be rotting everyday at home. Any job offers from aunty, uncle, relatives anyone?
I have a long overdue post that i didnt write but i will do it at the next post.
Just The Girl @
11:45 PM
